Call of Confessions

Nick was sitting on his couch in the dark, never bothering to turn any lights on since he’d gotten home from the bar. He didn’t really have a good time tonight, his mind was in Baltimore instead of on Dean. Finally Nick excused himself, apologized profusely for not feeling well, and headed home. He’d been sitting there for almost an hour, drinking scotch and gathering his courage, before he sent Deacon that message to call him. His knee bounced rapidly as he waited for his phone to ring. When it did a few minutes later Nick slid his thumb across the screen to answer.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" he said in lieu of hello, trying to keep his voice calm but knowing he sounded pissed.

Oh yeah, Nick had been drinking, Deuce could tell that from just that first sentence. "Good evening to you too, Nick..."

Nick took in a deep breath through his nose. God damn it was good to hear D's voice. Bastard. "It could have been if I didn't get a message from my best friend calling me a piece if shit for going out on a date when I Fucked. His. Brother! What the fuck, D?!"

As glad as he was to hear Nick's voice, Deuce could tell that he was pissed, and not just from the booze. "I didn't exactly tell him... I just didn't deny it when he figured it out."

Nick took in another deep breath to try to calm himself, "And how did he figure it out Deacon? What did you say?"

Deuce sighed softly as he flopped down in one of the chairs. "Told him that I met someone when I was in Boston...someone special. Didn't give any names, but he figured it out..."

Nick rubbed his eyes, "Jesus Christ D. Then what? You all went out for ice cream? No warning? And what the fuck did you tell him, I fucked you over or something?"

"No! No, I didn't tell him that! I would never tell him that, Nick..." Deuce took a few minutes to compose himself as he tried to get his thoughts straight. "I just told him that you and I got together when we were in Boston... and that I fucked things up when I left."

"He acted like...like I was wrong for going out on a date" Nick got up to go to the liquor cabinet to refill his tumbler with scotch, "Meanwhile you’re fucking your girl, and posting about it!"

Deuce pulled his glasses off and rubbed his eyes as he sighed. "You know how Ty is... I told him that I didn't regret what happened... that you were different."

Nick snorted as he uttered quietly "Yeah, I'm different..." Before letting out a sigh of his own, "Glad you don't regret it D, but Jesus Christ did you have to out us like that for nothing? What if Ty didn't take it as well as he did? What if I lost him just for a good fuck?"

"He's my brother, Nick! You know we don't keep shit from one another! Not telling him was killing me." Deuce shook his head slightly as he leaned his elbows on the table. "And you're more than a good fuck."

 "Yeah. Thanks. A good fuck buddy than." Nick sat back down on the couch, "All I'm saying is, it would have been nice if we discussed it first. I mean, I know I'm an inconvenience to talk to since I remind you of the guilt you feel for fucking around on your girl and all, but fuck.”

"Dammit, Nick, that's not what I meant either!"

"No? Because it sure as hell felt like it!" Nick took a long swallow from his glass.

Deuce took a few deep breaths, trying to calm himself down."I told him I was falling for you."

Nick sighed and ran a hand through his hair as he leaned back against the cushions, "Yeah? Thinking about me while your girl is serving you coffee naked? I just...this is pointless. What's done is done.

 "I really, really fucked up Nick... and I'm sorry..."

Nick clenched his jaw as his stomach tightened. It would be so easy to just accept D's apology so they could work things out, but Nick didn't want to go down that road and end up with nothing. "It's done. Whatever."

Deuce sighed softly as he leaned back, propping his legs up on the table. He knew that Nick was hurt and upset and he understood, but it still hurt that he was acting like this. "Nick, I..."

“Take care, alright D." Nick cut him off. He was on the verge of saying things he didn't want to, revealing how hurt he was.  "And the next time you want to do something that could potentially affect one of the most important relationships in my life? Give me a heads up, yeah?"

Deuce shook his head slightly, barely keeping himself from saying something he would regret in the morning. "This is Ty, you two have been through hell together, he'd never fuck things up with you."

"You don't know that, D. You’re his little brother. If he thought I fucked you up..." Nick shook his head, "If he had to choose, he'd choose you. I don't have many healthy relationships in my life Deacon. I need him."

"And he needs you. When you weren't speaking after the kiss and everything that happened, and he went from talking to you everyday to not at all, he was calling me more than ever and going crazy ‘cause he wasn't talking to you..."

"That's nice to hear but...it doesn't change the fact that things could have gone differently tonight." Nick tipped back his glass to empty it then got up for a refill.

Deuce could hear what Nick was doing, giving a soft sigh. "Don't fill that glass back up, Nicky... please."

Nick laughed without humor, "What the fuck is the difference, D? Really?"

"I'm worried about you, Nick..." Deuce leaned his head back and closed his eyes. "I'm not worth all of this."

Nick snorted thinking, Yes, yes you are. I feel so much for you I need to numb the pain. "Don't flatter yourself."

"So it's just coincidence that all of this damn drinking started when I fucked things up..."

"Yup." Nick lied.

Deuce groaned as he rubbed his fingers through his hair, not believing anything that Nick was telling him. "You suck at lying to me."

"What do you want to hear Deacon!?" Nick yelled, feeling vulnerable and backed into a corner. He really didn't like that feeling, "That you crushed me when you chose Livi over me? That every day you sounded like you were fine was like a stab to my heart? That I haven't..." Nick cut himself off as his voice started to give out.

"I’m not fine, Nick!" Deuce took a breath before finally confessing to him. "I can't stop thinking about you. Can't stop day dreaming about Boston. I'm not sleeping... the circles under my eyes rival yours right about now. God, Nicky, I'm so far from fine..."

"But you fucked Livi the other day?" Nick asked, his voice calm. God it was good to hear D admit these things but still..."And you’re still with her now?"

Deuce’s voice was soft as he nods his head slightly. "For the moment, yeah... she's out of town until Wednesday."

"Then what you feel for me is irrelevant." Nick said as he set his empty glass in the sink, never refilling it. "You need to figure your shit out first."

"I swear, Nick...as soon as I see her, I'm telling her it's over."

"Ok," Nick nodded as he leaned against the sink and crossed his ankles, "I'm sure that's what you intend, until you see her again and she cries or something."

"Please, just believe in me, Nick. I'm ending things. She's not who I want to be with."

 "Well, when things are done with her you should probably still take some time to figure shit out. I mean up until two weeks ago you considered yourself straight. That's a big adjustment."  Nick said. And I don't want to get my hopes up just to get let down.

"I have been thinking, Nick... and there's only one thing I'm thinking about."

"Don't say it D. Not now..." Nick's heart was pounding at what Deacon was implying. Fuck he wanted him so badly, but he couldn't put his heart on the line while Deacon was still with his girl. Nick needed to be sure that D was sure.

“I know, Nick. It's not fair for me to talk to you about all of this when there's still someone else in the picture."

Nick nodded and swallowed. "Yeah," he agreed quietly.

"Nick, I swear... just give me a few days."

"Take all of the time you need, Deacon. I'm not saying I'm waiting...just" Nick closed his eyes and tossed his head back with a sigh, "Just call me when you’re free and you’re sure. I mean I need you to be one hundred and ten percent sure, yeah? You understand?"

Deuce nodded slightly, forgetting that Nick couldn't see him. God, this would be so much easier in person. "I understand Nicky, I do... I never meant to hurt you like this... I've felt like such an ass."

Nick sighed, "I get why you were confused, I just...when it seemed like you didn't even give shit..."

"Of course I cared! I'm hurt that you thought I didn't. But I do understand, and I do deserve it."

"I'm not trying to make you feel bad, I'm just being honest. When I'm sitting here alone...The first few days I thought for sure you would call back, but when you didn't… And then the shit you would post." Nick walked around the salon making sure the door was locked and all of the shades were pulled, "I don't know, D."

"I know you're hurting, Nick, and I know it's my fault. I had to put on the happy face. For Livi, my patients, for my brother... if we both started acting like that he would have figured it out even sooner...It was just easier to keep the facade up than to let that mask slip."

"Yeah, I get that. But...were you planning on breaking up with her before tonight?" Nick asked tentatively.

"Yeah, I was, actually..."

“Ok…”Nick smiled a little. Right answer. "...ok."

"She's with a couple of friends and some wedding and bridal thing and they're having a long girls weekend, but as soon as she gets back, we're sitting down and having a talk that she's not going like... I'm telling her everything"

Nick's smile grew, he'd thought the bridal thing was for Livi, "I'm sure it’s been killing you not to."

Deuce could hear the smile in Nick's voice and it made him smile. "It has been, yeah... but she deserves to know... and you deserve someone that doesn't have a girl at home."

Nick blinked. Was this really going to happen? Were he and D going to make something work? "You deserve to be happy too, ya know"

Deuce smiled at that, rubbing his eyes tiredly. "Give me a few days and I'm sure I finally will be."

Nick grinned, if D called him in a few days...but Nick’s brain yelled at his heart not to get its hopes up. To be smart and take things slow, even if Deacon was single. "Well, good luck. I hope things work out like you want them to." Like I want them to.

"I hope so too... I guess I'll find out in a few days if the person I want wants to give me a chance or not." Find out if you want to give me a chance or not.

"Hope she doesn't kill you so you have a chance to be with that person." Nick couldn't help but laugh.

Deuce stifled a yawn as he hooked his glasses to the collar of his t-shirt. "I'll have to keep the old bat nearby, just in case!"

"Yeah," Nick headed down to his cabin, "Well, maybe we'll talk in a few days then, yeah?"

"I'll call you in few days... and with my luck, you'll be at work and I'll be screwed!" Deuce laughed softly as he picked up his own glass, pushing himself up out of the chair.

"I am covering a few shifts this week..." Nick worried his lip, "But, we'll talk."

"Hey, even if I have to call your ass at six in the morning, we're gonna talk."

Nick laughed, "I won't be coherent."

Deuce laughed quietly as he let himself inside, making his way toward the guest room trying to keep his voice down. "You'll wake up eventually."

Nick slipped out of jeans and tee, tossing them in the hamper, and climbed into bed without turning any lights on, "Eventually. After I've said some crazy shit."

"Fuck!" Deuce cursed through gritted teeth as his shin cracked into the table in the hall. "Dammit, why does he have a table here?!"

"The one in the hall? I've done that a million times." Nick nodded in sympathy.

“Yes that one! He might come home one day and this table will be gone." Finally Deuce made his way up to the spare room and closed the door behind him. "Ah, made it mostly in one piece!"

Nick laughed, "To sleep on that fucking futon. Hate that thing.”

"I think for Christmas, I'm buying him an actual bed for this room.

"I'll chip in..." Nick cleared his throat. He didn't mean it like that, but maybe they'd be able to give it as a couple by them. "My bed is very comfy!" He smiled as he stretched.

"Oh, I remember..." Deuce grinned as he crawled into bed. "Wait until I get you to Philly and you see my bed."

Nick smiled, liking that idea, but reminded himself again to chill, "Just call me in a few days and we'll take it from there, huh?"

Deuce smiled as he turned off the lamp on the table, snuggling under the blankets. “I will... and we'll see what happens, yeah? Get some sleep, Officer O'Flaherty."

"You too D. Sleep good."

"I'll call you in a few days, Nick."

"Ok, sounds good...Good night." Nick closed his eyes, thinking maybe he’d actually get a good night sleep tonight.

"Good night, Nicky..." Deuce hung up with a smile on his face, looking down at the picture of him and Nick before it disappeared.

Nick's songs. Not necessarily how he feels. 

this night specifically, but for the past week

"Try to Sleep With a Broken Heart" ~ Alicia Keys

"Addicted" ~ Kelly Clarkson