Call of Confessions

Nick was sitting on his couch in the dark, never bothering to turn any lights on since he’d gotten home from the bar. He didn’t really have a good time tonight, his mind was in Baltimore instead of on Dean. Finally Nick excused himself, apologized profusely for not feeling well, and headed home. He’d been sitting there for almost an hour, drinking scotch and gathering his courage, before he sent Deacon that message to call him. His knee bounced rapidly as he waited for his phone to ring. When it did a few minutes later Nick slid his thumb across the screen to answer.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" he said in lieu of hello, trying to keep his voice calm but knowing he sounded pissed.

Oh yeah, Nick had been drinking, Deuce could tell that from just that first sentence. "Good evening to you too, Nick..."

Nick took in a deep breath through his nose. God damn it was good to hear D's voice. Bastard. "It could have been if I didn't get a message from my best friend calling me a piece if shit for going out on a date when I Fucked. His. Brother! What the fuck, D?!"

As glad as he was to hear Nick's voice, Deuce could tell that he was pissed, and not just from the booze. "I didn't exactly tell him... I just didn't deny it when he figured it out."

Nick took in another deep breath to try to calm himself, "And how did he figure it out Deacon? What did you say?"

Deuce sighed softly as he flopped down in one of the chairs. "Told him that I met someone when I was in Boston...someone special. Didn't give any names, but he figured it out..."

Nick rubbed his eyes, "Jesus Christ D. Then what? You all went out for ice cream? No warning? And what the fuck did you tell him, I fucked you over or something?"

"No! No, I didn't tell him that! I would never tell him that, Nick..." Deuce took a few minutes to compose himself as he tried to get his thoughts straight. "I just told him that you and I got together when we were in Boston... and that I fucked things up when I left."

"He acted like...like I was wrong for going out on a date" Nick got up to go to the liquor cabinet to refill his tumbler with scotch, "Meanwhile you’re fucking your girl, and posting about it!"

Deuce pulled his glasses off and rubbed his eyes as he sighed. "You know how Ty is... I told him that I didn't regret what happened... that you were different."

Nick snorted as he uttered quietly "Yeah, I'm different..." Before letting out a sigh of his own, "Glad you don't regret it D, but Jesus Christ did you have to out us like that for nothing? What if Ty didn't take it as well as he did? What if I lost him just for a good fuck?"

"He's my brother, Nick! You know we don't keep shit from one another! Not telling him was killing me." Deuce shook his head slightly as he leaned his elbows on the table. "And you're more than a good fuck."

 "Yeah. Thanks. A good fuck buddy than." Nick sat back down on the couch, "All I'm saying is, it would have been nice if we discussed it first. I mean, I know I'm an inconvenience to talk to since I remind you of the guilt you feel for fucking around on your girl and all, but fuck.”

"Dammit, Nick, that's not what I meant either!"

"No? Because it sure as hell felt like it!" Nick took a long swallow from his glass.

Deuce took a few deep breaths, trying to calm himself down."I told him I was falling for you."

Nick sighed and ran a hand through his hair as he leaned back against the cushions, "Yeah? Thinking about me while your girl is serving you coffee naked? I just...this is pointless. What's done is done.

 "I really, really fucked up Nick... and I'm sorry..."

Nick clenched his jaw as his stomach tightened. It would be so easy to just accept D's apology so they could work things out, but Nick didn't want to go down that road and end up with nothing. "It's done. Whatever."

Deuce sighed softly as he leaned back, propping his legs up on the table. He knew that Nick was hurt and upset and he understood, but it still hurt that he was acting like this. "Nick, I..."

“Take care, alright D." Nick cut him off. He was on the verge of saying things he didn't want to, revealing how hurt he was.  "And the next time you want to do something that could potentially affect one of the most important relationships in my life? Give me a heads up, yeah?"

Deuce shook his head slightly, barely keeping himself from saying something he would regret in the morning. "This is Ty, you two have been through hell together, he'd never fuck things up with you."

"You don't know that, D. You’re his little brother. If he thought I fucked you up..." Nick shook his head, "If he had to choose, he'd choose you. I don't have many healthy relationships in my life Deacon. I need him."

"And he needs you. When you weren't speaking after the kiss and everything that happened, and he went from talking to you everyday to not at all, he was calling me more than ever and going crazy ‘cause he wasn't talking to you..."

"That's nice to hear but...it doesn't change the fact that things could have gone differently tonight." Nick tipped back his glass to empty it then got up for a refill.

Deuce could hear what Nick was doing, giving a soft sigh. "Don't fill that glass back up, Nicky... please."

Nick laughed without humor, "What the fuck is the difference, D? Really?"

"I'm worried about you, Nick..." Deuce leaned his head back and closed his eyes. "I'm not worth all of this."

Nick snorted thinking, Yes, yes you are. I feel so much for you I need to numb the pain. "Don't flatter yourself."

"So it's just coincidence that all of this damn drinking started when I fucked things up..."

"Yup." Nick lied.

Deuce groaned as he rubbed his fingers through his hair, not believing anything that Nick was telling him. "You suck at lying to me."

"What do you want to hear Deacon!?" Nick yelled, feeling vulnerable and backed into a corner. He really didn't like that feeling, "That you crushed me when you chose Livi over me? That every day you sounded like you were fine was like a stab to my heart? That I haven't..." Nick cut himself off as his voice started to give out.

"I’m not fine, Nick!" Deuce took a breath before finally confessing to him. "I can't stop thinking about you. Can't stop day dreaming about Boston. I'm not sleeping... the circles under my eyes rival yours right about now. God, Nicky, I'm so far from fine..."

"But you fucked Livi the other day?" Nick asked, his voice calm. God it was good to hear D admit these things but still..."And you’re still with her now?"

Deuce’s voice was soft as he nods his head slightly. "For the moment, yeah... she's out of town until Wednesday."

"Then what you feel for me is irrelevant." Nick said as he set his empty glass in the sink, never refilling it. "You need to figure your shit out first."

"I swear, Nick...as soon as I see her, I'm telling her it's over."

"Ok," Nick nodded as he leaned against the sink and crossed his ankles, "I'm sure that's what you intend, until you see her again and she cries or something."

"Please, just believe in me, Nick. I'm ending things. She's not who I want to be with."

 "Well, when things are done with her you should probably still take some time to figure shit out. I mean up until two weeks ago you considered yourself straight. That's a big adjustment."  Nick said. And I don't want to get my hopes up just to get let down.

"I have been thinking, Nick... and there's only one thing I'm thinking about."

"Don't say it D. Not now..." Nick's heart was pounding at what Deacon was implying. Fuck he wanted him so badly, but he couldn't put his heart on the line while Deacon was still with his girl. Nick needed to be sure that D was sure.

“I know, Nick. It's not fair for me to talk to you about all of this when there's still someone else in the picture."

Nick nodded and swallowed. "Yeah," he agreed quietly.

"Nick, I swear... just give me a few days."

"Take all of the time you need, Deacon. I'm not saying I'm waiting...just" Nick closed his eyes and tossed his head back with a sigh, "Just call me when you’re free and you’re sure. I mean I need you to be one hundred and ten percent sure, yeah? You understand?"

Deuce nodded slightly, forgetting that Nick couldn't see him. God, this would be so much easier in person. "I understand Nicky, I do... I never meant to hurt you like this... I've felt like such an ass."

Nick sighed, "I get why you were confused, I just...when it seemed like you didn't even give shit..."

"Of course I cared! I'm hurt that you thought I didn't. But I do understand, and I do deserve it."

"I'm not trying to make you feel bad, I'm just being honest. When I'm sitting here alone...The first few days I thought for sure you would call back, but when you didn't… And then the shit you would post." Nick walked around the salon making sure the door was locked and all of the shades were pulled, "I don't know, D."

"I know you're hurting, Nick, and I know it's my fault. I had to put on the happy face. For Livi, my patients, for my brother... if we both started acting like that he would have figured it out even sooner...It was just easier to keep the facade up than to let that mask slip."

"Yeah, I get that. But...were you planning on breaking up with her before tonight?" Nick asked tentatively.

"Yeah, I was, actually..."

“Ok…”Nick smiled a little. Right answer. "...ok."

"She's with a couple of friends and some wedding and bridal thing and they're having a long girls weekend, but as soon as she gets back, we're sitting down and having a talk that she's not going like... I'm telling her everything"

Nick's smile grew, he'd thought the bridal thing was for Livi, "I'm sure it’s been killing you not to."

Deuce could hear the smile in Nick's voice and it made him smile. "It has been, yeah... but she deserves to know... and you deserve someone that doesn't have a girl at home."

Nick blinked. Was this really going to happen? Were he and D going to make something work? "You deserve to be happy too, ya know"

Deuce smiled at that, rubbing his eyes tiredly. "Give me a few days and I'm sure I finally will be."

Nick grinned, if D called him in a few days...but Nick’s brain yelled at his heart not to get its hopes up. To be smart and take things slow, even if Deacon was single. "Well, good luck. I hope things work out like you want them to." Like I want them to.

"I hope so too... I guess I'll find out in a few days if the person I want wants to give me a chance or not." Find out if you want to give me a chance or not.

"Hope she doesn't kill you so you have a chance to be with that person." Nick couldn't help but laugh.

Deuce stifled a yawn as he hooked his glasses to the collar of his t-shirt. "I'll have to keep the old bat nearby, just in case!"

"Yeah," Nick headed down to his cabin, "Well, maybe we'll talk in a few days then, yeah?"

"I'll call you in few days... and with my luck, you'll be at work and I'll be screwed!" Deuce laughed softly as he picked up his own glass, pushing himself up out of the chair.

"I am covering a few shifts this week..." Nick worried his lip, "But, we'll talk."

"Hey, even if I have to call your ass at six in the morning, we're gonna talk."

Nick laughed, "I won't be coherent."

Deuce laughed quietly as he let himself inside, making his way toward the guest room trying to keep his voice down. "You'll wake up eventually."

Nick slipped out of jeans and tee, tossing them in the hamper, and climbed into bed without turning any lights on, "Eventually. After I've said some crazy shit."

"Fuck!" Deuce cursed through gritted teeth as his shin cracked into the table in the hall. "Dammit, why does he have a table here?!"

"The one in the hall? I've done that a million times." Nick nodded in sympathy.

“Yes that one! He might come home one day and this table will be gone." Finally Deuce made his way up to the spare room and closed the door behind him. "Ah, made it mostly in one piece!"

Nick laughed, "To sleep on that fucking futon. Hate that thing.”

"I think for Christmas, I'm buying him an actual bed for this room.

"I'll chip in..." Nick cleared his throat. He didn't mean it like that, but maybe they'd be able to give it as a couple by them. "My bed is very comfy!" He smiled as he stretched.

"Oh, I remember..." Deuce grinned as he crawled into bed. "Wait until I get you to Philly and you see my bed."

Nick smiled, liking that idea, but reminded himself again to chill, "Just call me in a few days and we'll take it from there, huh?"

Deuce smiled as he turned off the lamp on the table, snuggling under the blankets. “I will... and we'll see what happens, yeah? Get some sleep, Officer O'Flaherty."

"You too D. Sleep good."

"I'll call you in a few days, Nick."

"Ok, sounds good...Good night." Nick closed his eyes, thinking maybe he’d actually get a good night sleep tonight.

"Good night, Nicky..." Deuce hung up with a smile on his face, looking down at the picture of him and Nick before it disappeared.

Nick's songs. Not necessarily how he feels. 

this night specifically, but for the past week

"Try to Sleep With a Broken Heart" ~ Alicia Keys

"Addicted" ~ Kelly Clarkson

Saturday Morning Phone Call

Early Saturday Morning...

A soft stream of light filtered into the bedroom from the small nightlight in the bathroom and the light from the moon coming in through the open window, illuminating the two naked bodies in the large bed. Livi shifted slightly as she raised herself up onto her elbow, well-manicured fingers trailing over Deuce’s chest. Her fingers lightly trailed over his nipples, smiling softly when he arched a little in his sleep but didn’t stir, the smile quickly turning into a frown as her fingers moved up to rub over the healing bite mark on her boyfriends shoulder. She had first noticed it when she had stripped off his shirt on the couch earlier, but no matter how much she wanted to ask, she just let it slide.

Things had been strained between them lately and when he had called to tell her that he was staying in Boston for a few more days, she should have been able to sense that something was wrong. And when he came home, he had such a guilty look on his face she immediately knew that he had met someone. She never imagined that Deuce would be the kind to cheat, but the evidence was right there on his neck; the bite marks from some woman he had met at the conference no doubt. A woman who was still on his mind. He had been distant since he’d gotten home, even when they had had sex last night, she could tell that his mind was a million miles away.

She knew he felt guilty. She could tell by the way he had held her tonight, almost as if he had been afraid to let her go. Livi sighed softly as she looked down to the foot of the bed where Winchester was sleeping on Deuce’s feet, shaking her head slightly. That cat was completely devoted to Deuce and if it wasn’t so cute to see the little orange ball following him around constantly, it would have been annoying to have to fight the kitten for her boyfriend’s attention.

“I love you, Deacon…” she whispered softly, kissing his cheek as she cuddled up next to him, smiling when his arm wrapped around her, pulling her closer as she closed her eyes and finally fell asleep.

Deuce quietly slipped out of bed, being careful not to wake his sleeping girlfriend, leaning over to brush her lips with a soft kiss before pulling on a pair of boxer-briefs and a pair of well-worn jeans before moving into the bathroom. He was completely lost in thought as he went about his morning routine, practicing what was going to be a very, very rough conversation in his head. He limped toward the kitchen, pouring himself a cup of coffee as he leaned against the counter, his eyes closed. His first smile of the day came from the feel of tiny kitten claws digging into his jeans as Winchester meowed and climbed up his leg, demanding breakfast in the way that only kittens can.

“Okay, okay, breakfast for the kitty.” he laughed softly as he poured some food into a bowl, leaving it on the counter as he picked up his cell phone, glancing toward the bedroom to make sure that Livi was sleeping before stepping out onto the terrace, not wanting to risk being overheard. He knew that Livi had seen the marks on his neck and collarbone the night before and that he had been lucky as hell that she hadn’t mentioned anything about them.

He lowered himself into one of the chairs with a soft sigh, checking the time to make sure it wasn’t insanely early. 8:45… he wasn’t sure what Nick worked today, but he knew it was now or never before he lost his nerve. He swiped the front of the phone, hitting Nick’s name in his contacts with a shaky thumb.

Nick hadn’t spoken to Deacon in two days. He’d been trying to give D space to navigate the choppy waters in Philly and figure out what he wanted. Nick knew that Deacon not being as straight as he thought he was was a lot to deal with in itself, let alone figuring out where his relationship stood with his long time girl. He figured the guilt was probably eating away at D no matter what, it was just the kind of respectable guy Deacon was. God, Nick missed him, he’d been thinking about Deacon almost none stop since he’d left and had picked up his phone a million times wanting to send a text of call. Today, he decided, would be the day he’d call D to see how he was doing. Nick had gotten up early, back to not being able to sleep since Deacon left, though he hadn’t actually had any nightmares he just felt the absence of Deacon in his bed too strongly to get any proper rest. He’d gone out onto the back deck to read the paper with his coffee, resolving that as soon as he was done he was calling D. He’d just finished up the sports page when his phone rang and he smiled when he saw Deacon’s name, along with the picture that Nick had snapped of them kissing, pop up on the display. It seemed he and Deacon were still on the same wave length even all of these miles apart.

Deuce took a deep breath and closed his eyes once he heard Nick’s voice, steeling himself for the conversation that was about to happen. “Hey... We need to talk...”

Nick’s smile faded at the tone of Deacon’s voice combined with the dreaded words he’d used, “What's up?”

Deuce sighed softly, his voice hesitant at the sound of Nick’s voice. “That was probably the shittiest way in the world to start a conversation, huh...?”

Nick smiled sadly around the pit in his stomach, “I've heard worse.”  Not really

 “You're lying.” Deuce couldn’t help a small smile, trying his best to keep his voice upbeat despite how he was feeling.

“Maybe,” Nick snorted, than let out a little sigh. “No, really. You don't have to say anything, D...” Please don’t say what I know you’re going to say, Nick thought, I don’t need to hear the words.

“No, I do... you need an explanation... This week was...” God, Deuce couldn’t even finish his sentence. There was no way to put the last few days into words.

“Amazing...” Nick uttered. “But I get it.”

Deuce smiled at that. Amazing. That was one way of putting it. “Yeah, yeah it was fucking amazing...” He went quiet for a moment or two, hesitating as he tried to gather his thoughts.  “Livi knows that I was with someone... kinda hard to miss the bite marks...”

“I'm sorry…” and Nick was. Not really for putting them there, but for causing Deacon any kind of trouble.

 “No, no don't apologize... she hasn't said anything... but the look in her eyes? Yeah, she knows...” Deuce sighed softly as he leaned his head back, fingers going to unconsciously touch the healing marks on his collar bone.

Nick swallowed hard and waited...so, maybe this wasn't going to be a bad call? Maybe they’d broken up? “And...?" he tentatively prompted.

“The guilt whenever she looks at me...” Deuce took a shuddering breath, knowing that what he was about to say was going to hurt Nick. “We've been together for two years...I love her.”

And there it was. . So, not a good call than. Nick looked down as hope faded, “Yeah...yeah, or course you do, D. Like I said, I get it. I...it wasn't like I was expecting anything anyway.” He squeezed his eyes shut at the lie.

“We may not be able to fix things, but we have to try...” Deuce paused for a moment as he swallowed hard; he hadn’t realized exactly how difficult this conversation would be.

Nick kept his eyes closed and rested his head back on the outdoor couch,”You should. She...she's probably a good girl.” Fuck that hurt to say.

Deuce smiled sadly as he closed his eyes, knowing Nick didn’t mean anything he was saying about Livi. “Wouldn't have stayed for so long if she wasn't.”

“I'm not exactly a relationship kind of guy.” Nick pinched the bridge of his nose and faked a laugh, “and you are, ya know? So...you guys should be happy.”

Deuce could hear the hurt in Nick’s voice, and knowing that he was the reason for his pain just added to the guilt on his shoulders. “I'm so, so sorry Nick...”

“No, no don't be sorry D, really. I...” Nick sat up and steeled himself to go on with this conversation and maintain an air of a blasé attitude, even if it was all fabricated. He felt bad that D sounded so guilty and he didn’t want him to. “I wasn't expecting anything, honestly. I...that's not me. You're doing the right thing. I wouldn't want you to break up with your girl because of me."

 “God, I had so much fun with you...” Deuce uttered.

Nick forced a smile on his face to make his voice sound more casual, “Yeah, yeah. It was fun. We had a good time.”

Deuce ran his finger around the rim of his coffee cup, needing to keep his hands busy. “Things are going to get really fucking awkward now, aren't they...?”

“No way, are you kidding me? We're friends, first and foremost.”  Nick took in a deep breath and tried to lie as convincingly as he was able. Maybe if Deacon got pissed he’d stop feeling so bad. “Besides, do you think you're the first person I've fucked for days and then just remained friends with afterwards? I told you, no big. I wasn't picking out wedding dresses or anything.” He added in a false laugh.

Okay. That hurt. Deuce might have deserved it, but it still fucking hurt. “Maybe it wasn't a big deal to you.... I don't do stuff like that, Nick.”

Fuck! Nick scrubbed his face feeling even worse. He didn’t want to hurt Deacon. “Fuck, D...I just don't know what to say here…”

“No, no it's okay, Nick... it was just a weekend of firsts, that's all...  First time for everything and all that.” Deuce shrugged.

Nick sighed, losing his battle to act laid-back, “Yeah...I know.” Believe me. “I just...I don't want you to feel bad about anything Deacon. It...it meant a lot to me, ok? I don't want you to think it didn't, it's just...you're making the right decision. You are.”

Deuce sighed softly, unable to bring himself to agree with Nick.

“Hey!” Nick tried to get back his upbeat tone, “I mean it Deacon. It's cool. We're cool. I'm a big boy; I've been alone along time. I'm fine.

 “Things will work out... for all of us.” Deuce tried to reassure Nick and himself.

“Absolutely,“ Nick agreed, although he didn’t believe it at the moment, “And we're still friend, yeah? So we have this little...secret between us now. They're good memories for just us to have...and I'll still save all of my good jokes for you!”

Deuce laughed softly, feeling a little lighter. “You better get a new joke book if you're telling me good jokes.”

“I'll do that.” Nick smiled sorrowfully and had to clear his throat because it felt tight, “If...if you need me to stay away I'll respect that. I don't want to make things...weird for you. I mean, maybe a little space would be good, huh? For both of us?

Deuce nods his head slightly, forgetting for a moment or two that Nick couldn’t actually see him doing it. “For a little while at least.”

“Ok, yeah.” Nick leaned forward and rested his elbow on his knee and hung his head.  “I think that's a good idea.”   No I fucking don’t. I’m lying Deacon; I hated not talking to you for two days, how am I supposed to go for longer…

Deuce pulled his glasses off, laying them on the table before rubbing his eyes “Just for a little while...anything long term and I might go into bad joke withdrawal.” Come on baby, smile for me.

 Nick rubbed his face as he sat back and turned his head to look out over the water. Jesus, he was sitting where they’d had their first kiss. Where he'd had his head in Deacon's lap on that last night and D had played with his hair. He'd never feel that again. God, how he'd loved that.   “Deacon, I...” but he couldn’t finish because his throat got tight again. What was he going to say anyway? Deacon, I miss you? Deacon, I love you? Deacon I can make you happy, happier than she can, choose me?

 “I know, Nicky, I know... but we knew we had to go back to reality... and fuck, it sucks.” Deuce’s voice sounded tight as he looked over the edge of the terrace at the water, mentally not seeing the river he was looking at, but instead the open ocean where he had spent so much time with Nick.

“Yeah,” Nick cleared his throat and forced a laugh, “yeah it kinda does…But it's all good. Really. No hard feelings, at all. I just...I just have a lot of good memories.”  He nodded to himself in acknowledgment, a lot of good memories. Nick glanced behind him to where Deacon had snuck up and fucked him last Tuesday, “I'll never look at the stern of my boat the same way again!”

 “Great memories, huh..? I'm never gonna forget this week...” A short burst of laughter left Deuce’s lips at Nick’s words. “Or your couch... or that damn timer.”

Nick’s lips formed into the first legitimate smile since the conversation had started, “Fucking timer!”

 “Two more seconds! That's all we fucking needed!” Deuce was still laughing as he got up and walked over to the edge of the balcony, leaning his elbows against the ledge with a smile.

Nick longed to go back a week to that fateful night. Longed for all of it. “I think we more than made up for it, baby.”

Deuce sucked his breath; his heart ached at the sound of being called baby. “You know we did... had to make up for weeks of flirting.”

“Hell yeah.” Nick agreed as he rested his head back again, “I'm gonna have to eat protein bars for the rest of the week to replenish!”

“Fuck the morning trips to the gym and the pool! I don't think I've ever burned so many calories so quickly.” The laugh was back again. That was one thing Deuce loved about Nick, the ability to make him smile no matter what else was going on around him.

“I know...I know. I think I held up pretty good for an old man.” Nick smiled as an image popped into his mind, “Of course you in your nerd glasses is like natural Viagra.”  

Deuce smirked a bit at that, finally giving Nick the confession that he knew he wanted. “You know I wore them on purpose, right? Knew they'd drive you completely insane.”

“Oh, I know it! Tried to fucking kill me...” Ah, and wouldn’t that be a spectacular death? Nick smiled, “You're lucky you got to wear clothes at all the last three days!”

 “I wouldn't have complained about the nudity!” And Deuce would have made Nick stay naked too. He just couldn’t get enough of the sight of Nick’s naked body.

“Mmm...” Nick’s already deep voice went lower with the visual, “Neither would I.”

 “Do you have any idea how close I was to ripping that fucking uniform off of you on Wednesday?” If they’d had more than just a few minutes to get to the airport, Nick would have been half naked in a matter of seconds. The next time he was in Boston… Deuce’s thoughts trailed off, mentally reminding himself that there wasn’t going to be a next time in Boston. Or anywhere else.

 “Hmmm...”  Nick smiled as he sat up, “Woulda been the best reason to be late I ever had.”

Deuce closed his eyes, picturing Nick in his uniform in his mind, a smile crossing his face. “Couldn't stop staring at you...”

Nick started scrubbing at a mark on the table with his thumb, “Didn't take my eyes off of you all six days...”

 “I tried to behave myself the first two days! Our date and then that almost kiss.... I behaved, promise...” They had both been doing their best to behave and to keep things completely civil and along the line of friendship, but as time passed, the desire to cross that line kept getting harder and harder to resist.

“Fuck, I earned Sainthood for not making a move on you.” Nick chuckled, “You have no idea the thoughts I was I having during dinner that night...well both nights really.”

The confession fell from Deuce’s lips before he could stop himself, knowing that Nick would probably kill him for it later. “And you don't know what I did after I went to bed those first two nights...”

Nick stopped scrubbing at the table and swallowed. Did D mean…? Did he really…? “You...fuck, no you didn't...”

The smirk was evident in Deuce’s voice as he thought of his nights in the dark with Nick a few rooms away. “Oh yeah, I did... like you didn't.”

“Pfft...” Nick furrowed his brow and shook his head like ‘come on’, “Fuck yeah I did! It took all of my self control not to excuse myself and do it in the bathroom! Watching you eat is like an aphrodisiac.”

 “Don't think that the people at the restaurant would have appreciated it!” Kept bumping your leg under the table at dinner. It was a date. We both know it was… 

“You never know.” Nick smiled, “Wanted to drag you in there with me. Jesus, Deacon, I had a chubby for most of the night.”

“And that first night, if you had tried... I don't think it would have ended well for either of us…” As much as his crush on Nick was starting to grow that first night, anything besides how they ended the night would have been entirely too soon. Deuce would have pushed him away and he would have spent the rest of his weekend at the nearest hotel.

“No...no.” Nick shook his head in agreement, “I knew it was a bad idea, just like the second night. Man, I was still trying to process...” he smiled and ran his hand over the rough tan fabric of the outdoor couch, “but that look in your eyes after we talked that third night...I knew you were feeling me too. As soon as we kissed...there was no stopping then. We were like a freight train.”

 “I don't think I was ready before then... if that kiss had happened the second night, it would have just made things awkward... and I would have left on Sunday as planned and...” We never would have spent all of that time together.

“No, it happened when it should have...” Nick nodded still looking at the seat cushion, “…definitely when it should have...I'm really glad you stayed.”

 “Yeah, me too…this week after I got home has been completely insane, but it was so worth it.” You were worth it.

Nick grinned, “I'm happy you think it was.”

“How could I think anything else..? I wish things could be different, Nicky... I really do” Deuce sighed softly as he moved back over to the table, sitting down heavily, hating how his brain kept moving back to the “what ifs.”

“No, no...don't.” Nick licked his lips. Man, he didn’t want Deacon feeling bad about this, “It's ok, really. It's all good, baby. It's all good. As cliché` as it sounds, I'm thankful for what we had.”

Those words brought a smile to Deuce’s face. It might have been a little one, but it was still a smile. “That makes two of us...” There was a second or two pause before Deuce continued, unable to stop his worrying about the man he was falling for. “Hey... you sleeping?”

“Yeah. Really well, actually.” Nick answered. Hey, what’s one more lie to add to this chat? He decided to change the subject quickly though, he really didn’t like being deceitful, especially with Deacon. “Start school on Tuesday night.”

Even though Deuce knew that Nick was lying, he put on another smile, knowing that Nick would be able to hear it in his voice. “See? Told you we'd find a way to get you to sleep...! School, huh? I'm proud that you're going back”

Nick smiled, “Don't be proud until we see how I do. It's been a long time since I've had to study. But, thanks.”

“If you need anything, just call, okay? I've been through a hell of a lot of school and studying over the years…” Any reason to talk to Nick was a good reason to Deuce.

Nick chewed his lip, knowing he wouldn't call, “Like a private tutor? That could be hot!”

“I'll only do it for you!” Deuce smiled as he leaned his elbows on the table, running his fingers through his hair.

“Hmmm...Aggressive therapy and tutoring” Nick feigned a laugh, “I'm special.”

“ Yeah, yeah you are...” Deuce’s voice trailed off.

Nick sighed and leaned back on the couch, feeling overcome with sadness again, “So are you, baby. So are you.”

Deuce could feel the sadness between them over the line, closing his eyes for a moment or two. “We okay...?”

“We're great.” Nick smiled unhappily, “How could we be anything else? It's us, D.”

 “Gotta keep driving one another crazy online. Ty would have us both committed if we didn't...” Deuce forced a laugh, knowing that things were going to be awkward between the two of them for a while. Maybe permanently.

“Yeah, definitely.” Nick plucked at a stray thread on the back of the cushion, “I'll be busy with school and shit, so I probably won't have as much time to go on the computer anyway. So...” he shrugged.

 “Yeah.... I've been getting complained at for all my computer time and late nights the past few weeks...” Livi had been driving Deuce crazy about his computer time, about how she always went to bed alone lately and was lucky if he joined her before three am.

Nick had to clench his jaw as his jealousy flared, “Mmm, well. You better cut back then.”

 “Yeah, probably... but I've gotten so used to my quiet time at night with the glow of the computer in a dark room and a kitten at my side...” Deuce was going to miss that. Miss the hours spent just chatting with Nick about nothing and everything at the same time. God, this was going to suck.

“Yeah, I've gotten used to...yeah” Nick let out a short laugh, “Anyway...” he sighed.

“You need something to keep you company...” Like me

“That's never been a problem for me.”  Nick answered automatically. And so what if there was a small, immature part of him that hoped Deacon would get jealous at that thought.

“So I've heard...!” Deuce tried to keep his voice teasing, but his stomach clenched at the thought of Nick with anyone but him.

 “Hey, I'm sexy, what can I say.” The truth was Nick couldn’t imagine having sex with anyone else right now. He wandered if D had had sex with Livi since he's been home. Probably. Fuck, that hurt.

“Mmm don't I know it?” Deuce teased with a light smile. Sexy was just one of the many words he’d used to describe Nick over the past few days.

Nick laughed, “So you see, I'll be just fine.”

 “You better be...” The smile on Deuce’s face fell when he looked toward the closed door to see Livi walking in his direction, lowering his voice a bit, the regret obvious in his tone. “I should let you go.”

“Yeah, yeah, ok” But Nick wanted to remind Deacon a little bit about how he felt, “Ah...D?”

Deuce smiled a little, already knowing Nick’s tricks for keeping him on the phone. “Yeah?”

“Just remember, I've got your back, yeah?” Nick closed his eyes, “Always. I'm...I'm here. I've got you.” Waiting, if you change your mind...

 “I've got you too, Nick... this doesn't change that. I've always got your back.” Those little words had never meant more to Deuce than they did now. And he was telling the truth. No matter what happened, he was always going to have Nick’s back.

“Yeah…I know,” but no matter how much D wanted to mean that, Nick knew he couldn’t really. He had to have Livi’s back first, above Nick’s. “I'll ah...I'll talk to ya, when I talk to ya... Take care, ok. Be happy. You deserve that. Really, baby. You deserve that.” And Nick meant that, every word of it. He wanted Deacon to be happy, he truly did. Yeah, he’d have preferred it to be with him, but still…

 “So do you, Nicky... I'll talk to you later, okay? Good luck, with everything...” Deuce knew that he should end the call and pay attention to the woman that was watching him from the closed door, but he didn’t want to let Nick go just yet. He didn’t know the next time he would get to talk to him.

“Yeah. Thanks.”  Nick cleared his throat, “I'll...keep you updated with my posts and shit.” Please don’t hang up yet...I just want to hear your voice a little longer.

 “Yeah, yeah you better throw in a few bad jokes for me too, okay?” Those damned jokes had been the first sign that Nick was flirting… and they clued Deuce in to the fact that he just might have been flirting back.

“Of course.” Nick nodded even though he didn’t intend to, not for awhile at least, “I'll see about getting a new joke book.”

“You better or I'm sending you one!” Deuce laughed softly. He’d found himself looking at joke books online, trying to find the best one to send to Nick, just to let him know that he was still thinking about him.

“Ok, ok...” Nick took in a deep quiet breath, then another.

Deuce sighed softly as he rubbed his eyes. “Go try and salvage your weekend... I know I just blew it all to hell... for both of us”

“Nah, it's all good. You should enjoy your weekend.” Nick said, although he hoped D wouldn’t enjoy it too much, “I'm gonna head over to my boys house tonight, his wife is throwing a birthday party for him so...that should be cool.” Not really.  Nick thought, It's gonna fucking suck putting on a happy face when I feel like shit.

“Sounds like a pretty good time...!” Deuce forced a smile as he glanced toward the door. “I don't have much planned... just bumming around the condo.”

“Well, that can be fun..." Nick answered, remembering the fun they’d had just lounging around the 580.

 “Might go to a game... just to get out of here... maybe it'll make me stop thinking so much. I'm discovering that my brain is dangerous...” The last thing Deuce wanted was to think about their downtime on the yacht. It would just lead to him making another phone call and maybe making things even worse.

“There's a lot of you that's dangerous.” Nick snorted, “D is for dangerous!”

The laugh that left Deuce’s throat was the most genuine one he’d had the entire conversation. “I'm a dangerous weapon!”

“Mmmhmm...” Nick smiled. “I'd say. You're definitely packing a war head in your pants.”

 “Oh no, that's kept in your pants! Like your cock better than mine...” And here they were again. Despite the fact things were ending between them, they couldn’t bring themselves to keep the conversation at a PG level.

Nick was instantly turned on by those words. “No way, baby. You're cock...” Nick forced himself to stop, knowing that this line of discussion wouldn’t be productive “…we'll just have to agree to disagree.”

Deuce groaned softly when he realized what he had started. “Shit... sorry, Nick. It just slips out around you now...”

Nick smiled, “I don't view that as a bad thing, no need to apologize!” Shit if Deacon liked his cock, if Nick’s cock was the only one D ever had the opportunity to view up close and personal besides his own, Nick could appreciate that.

“God, the next time we –“ Deuce broke off his sentence, stopping himself suddenly as it finally hit him that there wasn’t going to be a next time for them.

Nick swallowed the pang of sadness that rose up. There isn't gonna be a next time, Deacon He decided to give D a way out of finishing that thought, “The next time we get together for dinner, it’s on  you, yeah?”

Sadness filled Deuce’s voice as he nodded slightly. “Yeah, dinner is on me... if I've paid off the credit card with the bill you all racked up at the restaurant!”

Nick laughed, “Told ya. Shoulda took us to McDonald's.”

“And you all would have bitched the entire time!” Deuce faked another laugh, trying to keep things light between them.

“And that's different, how?” Nick teased, “We're all gonna bitch about something, regardless.”

“Yeah, but at least the steak kept you quiet for a while.” Deuce wasn’t going to forget that dinner. The way that Nick had pushed Kelly aside and had claimed the seat next to him. They hadn’t had a chance to talk much that night, but it had been enough for him to finally admit he was crushing on the other man.

“My nerves kept me quiet.” Nick smiled fondly at the memory, “and the view.” God, Deacon took his breath away.

“Yeah, me too... seeing you that night, having you pressed so close against me as we ate cause we're all big guys...” Deuce had never been more thankful for a small table and to be sitting with a group of big guys in his life.

Nick’s grin grew wider, “You liked me...” he sing-songed, just like he did the first time Deacon confessed this to him.

Deuce laughed as he sing-songed back to him. “Maybe.”

“You did. It's okay. Another little secret.” Nick said, still grinning, “I'd been crushing on you for weeks so...”

 “I think I had been too... I just couldn't admit it to myself. And when we were together during dinner and…I felt that spark...” Deuce sighed softly, his voice barely above a whisper “still do...”

“I...” Nick had to clear his throat again, than sighed, “They say that physical attraction always dies away, right? So, in a few months...” but Nick knew it wouldn’t die for him, he just knew. Besides, it was more than physical attraction for him and he couldn’t imagine there would be a time when he wouldn't long for Deacon. And wasn't that a bitch. Again with the unrequited love.

Deuce felt sad, knowing that he wouldn't be able to get Nick out of his head or his heart- “A few months, huh...?”

Nick shrugged, “I guess. What the fuck do I know? This is the first time that I've...” felt like this. He stopped short, realizing his slip and tried to switch to a lighter tone. “… Ah...who knows? We'll see I guess.”

“Yeah, first time for me too... Hopefully it's not months, don't think I could last that long...” The very thought of months without Nick was causing Deuce’s heart to completely break.

First time for you too? What do you mean, D? Do you mean...you’ve never felt like this either? But that couldn’t be right, and Nick knew it was better not to ask, “Eh, you'll be fine! And like I said, I'm here so...Just concentrate on being happy, ok? Don't think about me, just...” Nick shook head.

 “It was a hell of a lot of firsts for me this week, Nicky...” Deuce smiled sadly. “Not going to be able to not think about you...”

“Yeah, well...I had some firsts too, so...feelings mutual,” Nick admitted, “Just...I want you to try to be happy. I mean if this is what you want, than you've gotta go for it. Make the best of it.” Make it worth it, baby. Make this pain worth it.

Deuce lowered his voice when Livi walked outside and started to cross over to him, sounding unhappy about it.  “I should go...”

“Yeah, ok.” Nick could tell by the change in D’s voice that his girl must have just arrived, “Take care, Deacon.”

Deuce closed his eyes when Livi put her hands on his shoulders, kissing the top of his head, remembering Nick kissing his hair.  “You too, Nick... we'll talk later, okay?”

“Yeah sure.” Nick answered, knowing it wasn’t true. He squeezed his eyes shut, God his stomach was in knots, “Bye, D.” Please don’t forget me…don’t forget what we had.

Deuce tried to keep his voice steady as he said his goodbyes. “Bye Nick.”  He hung up with a soft sigh, making sure there was a mask of a smile on his face as he turned to look back at Livi. 

Livi smiled softly as she ran her fingers through Deuce’s hair, tugging his head back to rest against her hip as she massaged his scalp, hoping that it would help him relax. She knew the masks he wore better than he thought she did and right now, she knew that he wasn’t happy and that he was fighting against whatever was going on inside of his brain. “Come on, I’ve got breakfast for us.” She bent over, planting a soft kiss on his lips.

Deuce smiled up at her, nodding his head slightly. “I’ll be in, in a few seconds, promise.” He watched her walk back inside, rubbing his eyes as he pushed himself up onto his feet. That conversation had taken more out of him that he ever thought it would. He squeezed his phone tightly, wanting no more than to call Nick and tell him that he had changed his mind, that he wanted to take it all back and that he wanted to be with him and not Livi.

But he also knew that another call to Nick was more than he could handle. As much as Deuce liked Nick, and as hard and fast as he was falling for him, he wasn’t brave enough to go through with it. He wasn’t brave enough to risk getting hurt by someone that he had always known to be a huge flirt and could never stay in a relationship longer than a few weeks. He didn’t want to lose two years and a great relationship because he was too fucking scared of getting hurt when Nick found someone else to lust after. And to top it all off, he wasn’t brave enough to admit to himself, or to anyone else, that he was falling in love with another man.

He was scared to death and instead of dealing with it, he was going to push things aside and pretend like it wasn’t happening. Nick would be okay. He was Nick. He was strong and brave and could make it through anything. Including this. He hoped.

Miss you already. Deuce whispered softly, kissing his fingers and then blowing the kiss toward the water. And toward Nick. He’d made his choice and he was going to have to live with it, no matter how much it hurt.

Nick stared at the phone a moment after ending the call. He rested his elbows on his knees and hung his head, phone in hand. He’d had a feeling this was coming from the time they’d first kissed, so why did it hurt so fucking much? He should have been prepared for this. A wave of anger overtook him. Not at Deacon, not at all, but at himself for allowing this to happen. Once again he’d fallen in love with a man he couldn’t have; and how ironic was it that once again it was with a fucking Grady. Jesus Christ, Nick must’ve been a real bastard in his past life to deserve this shit. Hell, maybe he’d been a bastard a time or two too often in this one.

He’d paid his dues though, hadn’t he? He’d been through hell enough times? He didn’t want much, really, he just wanted to be in love and be happy. And D did that for him, made Nick feel…Fuck! So what if he was feeling sorry for himself, God damnit, why couldn’t this one fucking thing work out for him?!

Nick grunted through his clenched jaw as he chucked his phone against the wall with such force it broke into pieces, case and all.  He rested his face in his hands and took several deep breaths, trying to calm himself. Trying to get the tight feeling in his chest to loosen up.

It was a good thing he’d broken his phone really, because all Nick wanted to do was call Deacon back and tell him that he wasn’t ok with any of this. He wanted to tell D that he could make him happy, that he could be a relationship kind of guy, that he wanted a relationship with Deacon. That they could be together; that they should be together, because what they had was special. It was extraordinary, and Nick wanted it back. He wanted Deacon so damned bad it hurt. Fuck it hurt. Nick rubbed his chest. So, this is why they called it heartache, huh? Because it literally felt like Nick’s heart was breaking.

He leaned back on the couch and ran his hands through his hair. His stomach twisted at the thought of Deacon with his girl right now. Yeah, D sounded sad at the good bye, and Nick was sure he was, but was there a part of Deacon that was sort of relived now? He could be with his girl without having this conversation hanging over his head. Without the guilt. He could give her his all.

It was going to be okay. Nick took a deep breath through his nose and closed his eyes. It was going to be okay. He wasn’t going to allow himself to hold on and waste another twenty years of his life pining for a man he’d never have. He needed to get his shit together fast this time. He’d be okay. Yep, he was going to be just fine. All he had to do was keep reminding himself of that and maybe he’d eventually believe it. 

"Against All Odds" ~ Phil Collins

Return Home Phone Call

Late Wednesday night / Early Thursday morning...

Deuce sighed as he closed his eyes, leaning his head against the back of the couch. He’d been sitting there for the past few hours and the thought of moving was the last thing he wanted to do. His last patient had left hours ago and he’d been avoiding calls from Livi all afternoon. Livi. His stomach clenched at the thought of his girlfriend, the guilt more than starting to seep into his mind at what had happened over the weekend. She had looked so hurt when she picked him up from the airport and brought him home and he had given her a soft kiss before telling her to go home. He knew that she thought he would invite her up, but he told her that he had work to do and patients to take care of. So he had sent her on her way and made his way upstairs alone. Just like he wanted to be tonight.

He knew that it had only been a several hours, but there was a pang of loneliness in his chest. He missed Nick. Aside from a quick text to let him know that he was safe in Philly, they hadn’t spoken that day and he found that he missed the sound of the Boston accent. Deuce picked up his phone for the millionth time, his fingers gliding over the surface as he pulled up Nick’s number, double checking the time before hesitantly pressing the button to call him, hoping that he could catch him at home.

Nick was quiet all day at work. He knew Rico kept looking at him funny due to his unusual behavior, but he didn’t really give a shit. His mind kept wandering between the blissful memories of the past five days and the desolate thoughts of Deacon being over two hundred miles away and not knowing what their future would hold.

Nick couldn’t help the smile that would cross his face whenever the image of Deacon popped into his mind, or when he’d remember the sound of D’s voice, his laughter. Nick would unconsciously lick his lips when he thought about how it felt to kiss Deacon, or of the way his skin tasted. Than the picture of D riding up the elevator, away from Boston and away from Nick, would pop into his mind and he would be overcome with a sense of loss.

After work Nick spent longer than he usually did at the gym, than stopped to get something to eat, just to postpone going home to the empty boat. Funny how he didn’t mind living there alone all of these years, yet in just a few short days Deacon had somehow turned it into more of a home than it had ever been, and now the thought of being there by himself weighed on Nick’s mind. 

When he finally got back to the 580 he took a shower and settled down in bed naked to watch TV. He usually hung out upstairs in the salon, but somehow being down here, surrounded by the smell of Deacon on his sheets, he didn’t feel so far removed from the man.

Nick picked up his phone for the millionth time that day to make sure he didn’t miss a call. Or more accurately, didn’t miss Deacon’s call. Jesus, he really did turn into a teenage girl, he’d never waited on a phone call in his life like this. Deacon had said he’d give Nick a buzz if he wasn’t too exhausted when he got home after seeing patients and Nick was hoping to God that D was awake enough to uphold that promise. He had sent Nick a text earlier, when he had landed, just to let Nick know he was safe in Philly and that he hadn’t been molested by any TSA agents. Nick would never admit it, but he’d read the message at least six times and had smiled on each occasion.

When the cell phone sitting on the pillow next to him finally rang, Nick beamed at the name on the caller ID, “Hello?”

Deuce smiled at Nick's voice, “Hey!”

“Hey, yourself.” Nick’s smile grew even wider at the sound of D’s voice, “Guess you got in ok?”

“Got home and went straight to work.” Deuce answered, “You make it okay today...?”

“Yeah...” Nick rolls over to lie on the pillow Deacon had slept on for the past three nights, “Long day. Uneventful though. You must be exhausted.”

“It was good to keep busy, kept my mind off of...”  Deuce cuddled down in bed with the kitten.

“Yeah...I know.” Nick bit his bottom lip, not sure if he should say what he was thinking, than decided to share the edited version, “I stayed at the gym longer than usual. I…wasn't looking forward to coming home to an empty boat.”

“My mind kept drifting when I was with patients today... kept thinking about you.” It had been pretty embarrassing when one of his longtime patients had teasingly brought up how distracted Deuce was to his attention. Thankfully he had been able to just laugh it off as his brain still being on vacation. They had a good laugh about it before getting back to business, but it just showed him exactly how distracted Nick was making him.

“Oh, yeah?” Nick’s face split with a huge grin at the admission, but he decided to keep things light so he teased, “What were you thinking about...?”

“Maybe a few naughty things...” Deuce teased back as he laughed, “You find what I left in the guest room?”

“No!” Nick jumps out of bed to hurry to the guest cabin, “Is it a pair of boxers?” he laughed.

“Not quite!” Deuce laughed too, “Think about something more above the belt.”

“Damn. You know that is very difficult for me. ” Nick smiled when he saw the Phillies tee shirt Deacon had laid out on the bed, but he let out a groan for D's benefit, “Oh God...only for you Deacon will I allow this to stay in my house.”

Deuce laughed softly, “You're going to learn to love the Phillies even if it kills me!”

“If anyone could accomplish that it would be you baby, but don't hold your breath.” Nick smelled the tee as he walked back to his room,” Mmmmm...smells like you.”

“I was hoping it would hold onto the smell.” Deuce admitted, “Just wanted you to have something…”

“You left me with a lot of somethings.” Nick hesitates, again unsure if he should reveal too much of what he was feeling, “I...I'll always remember everything...I can still...taste you.” Then he smiled, “and I'm still pretty sore!”

Deuce chuckled softly as he stretched out on his bed, “That makes two of us. And I had to deal with a plane ride and sitting at my desk all afternoon!” He shifted slightly, his muscles protesting the movement. He was sore in places he never knew could get sore… and he wouldn’t trade the aches and pains caused by his week with Nick for anything.

“Yeah, I kept squirming in the car all day,” Nick laughed, “But, it was worth it. It was...” he turned his face into the pillow,”it was really good Deacon. Fuck, I can still smell you...us on the sheets.”

Deuce felt a little sad as he answered, “I should have stolen a blanket...or your damned Snuggie!” Anything that smelled like Nick just to get him through the nights. He was so close to going to the store and buying a bottle of the body wash that Nick used, just for the familiar scent.

Nick laughed, “Told you you'd like the Snuggie...” he lifted the tee to his nose and took in a deep breath, then turned onto his side to hug the pillow, “I...wish you were here. I want to touch you.”

“Nick...,” Deuce sighed softly, “It took everything I had to get on that damned plane...”

“I know, D.” Nick smoothed his hand over the sheets, “It took everything I had to let you. But...real life and all that, yeah?”

“Unfortunately...” Deuce gave Winchester a belly rub, “At least I have a ginger sleeping with me tonight!”

“Hmmm...” Nick smiled, losing his battle with trying to stay PG, “but he doesn't lick you in the places I like to. At least I hope not.”

“I'd share the bed with two gingers if you showed up at my door right now!” Deuce laughed.

“Don't tempt me.” Nick chuckled, then licked his lips remembering the feel of D’s soft lips pressed against his own, “God Deacon, your kiss is worth getting fired over.”

Deuce groaned softly, “Wish I was kissing you right now...”

“You have no idea...” Nick had to adjust himself as his dick started to get hard, “…what the sound of you saying that does to me.”

Deuce moaned softly as he moved against the sheets, “Oh, I have an idea... wish I was touching you... or watching you touch yourself.”

Nick’s heart rate picked up at D’s words,”Oh fuck Deacon...” Nick stroked his fully erect cock once slowly,”…the sounds you make. The way you taste...Jesus what you do to me...” Nick sucked in a breath, “I'm imagining you touching me right now.”

Deuce shifted slightly, moving his hand into his boxers, “You're touching yourself aren't you?”  he said on a quiet moan, “Wish this was your hand wrapped around my cock.”

“Oh, fuck yeah.” Nick turned onto his back to stoke himself as he closed his eyes and imagined Deacon with him “I wish I was touching your cock...sucking your cock. I love the way it feels in my mouth...”

Deuce gave Winchester a little nudge off of the bed as he pushed his boxers down, “Fuck you have an amazing mouth... best blow jobs I've ever fucking had.”  Deuce breathed as he stroked himself slowly, “Mmm…”

“Yeah?” Nick felt a sense of pride and hoped D was telling the truth as he reached over to grab lube and slick up his dick, “That's because your cock is fucking gorgeous...like the rest of you. Just perfect...” Nick began to breathe heavily as his strokes picked up, “I want to suck you, take you right to the edge. But I won't let you come, not yet...”

Deuce let out a louder moan as he arched against his hand, “God, you're such a fucking tease, Nicky... your mouth feels fucking incredible.”

“Mmmmm…” Nick hummed, the image of Deacon’s cock and the way it tasted conjured up vividly in his mind, “You taste so fucking good. I never swallowed before...just for you....but not tonight. Tonight I want you to fuck me.” Nick let out a low growl at the thought, “It feels so incredible when you're inside of me...”

Deuce moaned loudly again, “Fucking love being inside of you... the way you feel around me, drives me completely insane, Nicky... god it's like I can you feel you here with me...”

Nick switched the phone on speaker and set it next to his head on the pillow, “Mmm… Deacon, I can feel you too...” He pulled his legs back and slipped his slick fingers down under his balls and pushed down, “I've got my fingers inside...you’re inside. God you fuck me so good...you make me come so hard...” Nick moaned as he turned his hand and began to move his fingers in and out imagining it was Deacon. His fingers didn’t compare to D’s cock, but with listening to Deacon’s heavy breathing and moans, it helped fuel his imagination. “Oh yeah Deacon...right there baby.”

Deuce stroked his cock faster, his eyes closed, picturing Nick in his head, “You're so fucking tight baby. I fit so perfectly inside of you....” Deuce let out a groan, “I'm hitting that sweet spot over and over again, want to make you come apart...”

“Oh yeah...fuck yeah. “ Nick panted as he began to stoke his cock faster to keep in time with his fingers, “Fuck me Deacon...God your cock feels so good...so fucking good...”

“Fuck Nicky, you feel so fucking amazing... got my hand wrapped around your cock, stroking and teasing you as I fuck you... bringing you so close to the edge.” Deuce began to stroke himself even harder, “God...”

“Oh yeah...” Nick gritted out on a moan, the image of Deacon fucking him so clear to him as the tingling started at the base of his spine, “I'm gonna come...I'm gonna fucking come Deacon.”

“Come for me, Nicky... want to hear you...” Deuce urged Nick as he felt his own orgasm build, “So fucking close baby...”

“Ahhhh...Fuuuuck,” Nick Groaned loudly as he came, “...fuck yeah...oh yeah Deacon.” Nick milked the last stroke out until he shuttered, “...come inside of me...I wanna feel you come.” And Nick wished he could, without the barrier of a condom.

 Deuce clenched his fist into the sheets as he came moaning Nick's name, and rode out his orgasm. “Oh fuck, Nicky...!”

“Mmmm...” Nick hummed happily as he smiled, “You're so fucking sexy Deacon...”

“You're the sexy one... God, you drive me crazy!” He panted softly as he closed his eyes, his fingers trailing through the come on his stomach.

Nick’s smile widened, “Likewise...” He looked down at the come on his stomach and laughed “You made me make a mess again.”

“I think you always make a mess!” Deuce teased.

“Always your fault, I'm sticking to that.” Nick chuckled again as he stretched, “Ah...I don't wanna move. I wish you were here so I could hold you. I need my big, warm teddy bear to sleep.” Nick added a teasing lilt to his voice to hide how true that statement was.

“Should have bought you a bear wearing a Phillies t-shirt” Deuce laughed as he cleaned himself up with the sheet before shoving it aside.

“Wouldn't compare to you...” Nick answered as his smile wavered. Deacon sounded exhausted and Nick knew the rest of D’s week was going to be rough because of his prolonged stay in Boston, “You sound tired, baby.”

“ Mmm yeah, it's been a long day...” Deuce admitted, “Don't wanna sleep, though.” Sleeping would mean hanging up and he wanted to listen to Nick talk just a little bit longer.

“Go to sleep.” Nick’s smile returned but it was a sad one. He didn’t want to get off of the phone either, but he didn’t want to be the cause of Deacon’s fatigue. He wandered when they’d talk again. He didn’t want to put any pressure on D, but wasn’t sure how to say that without actually saying it and still let Deacon know he wanted him in his life. “I don't want you to be tired tomorrow. I...just call me whenever you have a chance. Don't feel...” -  obligated -  ”I mean ya know. Whatever is good...”

Deuce chuckled softly, “You mean don't call you at 6 am when I wake up.” The very idea of waking up, turning off his alarm, and immediately calling Nick was a very, very tempting one.

“No, please don't.” Nick answered, and then had to tell the truth, “Nah, you can call me whenever you want. Or if you don't have a chance, it's cool. I'm always here...So...either way.”

Deuce smiled, “The same goes for you... you want to call, call…” God, please call.

Nick laughed, again trying to lighten the mood, “You may regret you said that! Alright...go to sleep Deacon. I'll talk to you soon, yeah?” please

“Get some sleep Nicky. I'll call you tomorrow.” Promise.

“Ok…”Nick answered, than let slip out with a wince, “and, D?”

“Yeah...?” he sounded a little amused, wondering what Nick was going to come up with to keep him on the phone just a little bit longer; not that he was complaining.

Now that Nick got his attention he wasn’t sure exactly what to say. He was overcome with the urge to say all of those things he wanted to say earlier today when they were making love, and then again in the car at the airport. “I...I had a really good time these last five days.” Nick let out a soft sigh, “Really though. I mean that. Not just the sex...but all of it. Everything.” Everything little fucking thing.

Deuce smiled, “Me too, Nick... when I went to Boston, I had no idea...”

“I did!” Nick laughed, again going for levity. Yeah, in his wildest dreams he imagined what would happen when Deacon came to stay with him, “Nah, I'm just kidding...”

“I'm so glad I stayed... so glad we fucking kissed each other.” Deuce couldn’t even imagine not kissing Nick now. Missing out on kissing him would have been one of the biggest regrets of his life.

“Oh God me too...me too.” You may never know how much, but man Deacon sounded worn out, and Nick was afraid if he stayed on the phone much longer he may say something he’d regret later. “You better go to sleep...”

“You too... can't go back to not sleeping after sleeping like a baby the past three nights.” Deuce laughed tenderly.

“I'll try.” Nick answered, “You wore me the fuck out! All of that aggressive therapy and all…”

“If you're good, you just might get more of it... you'll get my bill in the mail soon!” Deuce laughed.

Nick laughed as well, “I'll pay whatever it is. So worth every penny.” Jesus, and wasn’t that the truth. Actually, the time they’d spent together was priceless to Nick.

Deuce smirked, “Oh good!” He snuggled into the blankets and turned off the light, “Go to sleep, Nick.”

“Ok.” Nick placated him, he knew the longing he was feeling for Deacon would keep him up., “Good night D. Sleep good baby.”

“Night Nicky... sleep tonight, okay?” Deuce answered, reading Nick’s mind.

“Yeah, I will...” Nick sighed, he’d try, for Deacon’s sake he’d try, “I'm gonna snuggle the tee shirt and pillow and pretend they’re you.” Nick laughed at how absurd and sappy that sounded, and also because it was probably the truth.

“I'm doing the same with the poor cat...” Deuce laughed, “I'll talk to you soon, okay?”

“Ok...” God, Nick hoped that was true, “Night Deacon.” I think I’ve fallen in love with you…

“Night Nick...” Deuce hung up with a soft sigh, shoving the phone under the pillow. I miss you...

                "I'll Be Waiting" ~ Adele                                                         Nothing wrong with a little...